Lacey & Brian Hefner's Story

"On July 8, 2016, my husband Brian and I had a beautiful baby girl, Rylee Ann Hefner. She was perfect. We very quickly became consumed with our new life as parents. We had three months and 11 days of pure bliss with her. We enjoyed all the baby snuggles, all the coos and smiles. We were amazed at how much our lives had changed overnight, unaware of how drastically they were about to change in a blink. On October 19, 2016, I dropped Rylee off at the babysitter's house and headed to work. While at work, I purchased a couple Christmas gifts for her from the Gift Shop's sale. It was a normal day with beautiful weather. Before lunch time, we got a call that she was being brought to the hospital with trouble breathing. Brian and I rushed to the ER where we discovered that the sitter found Rylee not breathing when checking on her during her nap. She did everything right. She had her sleeping in a Pack N' Play, and she started CPR right away and continued until the squad got there. The EMS and ER staff did all that they could for her but unfortunately the Lord decided he needed her more in heaven. Our world shattered. Life was harder than I ever imagined it could be. And in those first few days, if anyone had told me anything good would come out of this experience it would have hurt and infuriated me. 

When our life was crumbling around us, so many people stepped in and offered a helping hand. Some in ways that seem so small to the person helping but showed us that even though we felt so alone in our despair we were far from it. A pre-made meal from a friend I hadn't seen since nursing school, coworkers donating their hard-earned vacation time so I could have time to grieve, handwritten notes, random text messages checking in. People stopping by with food in hand even though we said we didn't want visitors, knowing more than we did just how much we needed it. It was hard to control emotions and because of that, social anxiety became a real thing for me. I think a few saw this in conversations with me and worked to get me out of the house and to parks and gave me a chance to be with people who cared, who knew and did not judge when tears fell. They lent me time with their children, they knew that children in their ability to share joy would be healing to my soul. Complete strangers on the other side of the country offered support online as they were further on this journey of child loss and understood the pain and hurt. I have found true friendship in some of those once strangers. We remember each other's children and offer support on days when each other needs it. 

After some time, I healed enough to want to start reaching out and helping others. I started with donating a book that helped me called, Always Within: Grieving the Loss of Your Infant, and blankets to the hospital for other bereaved parents. I had other mothers who received these blankets reach out to me and donate fabric because it helped them, which in turn allowed us to help more moms. We have donated toys to pediatric departments and children’s hospitals in July in honor of her birthday. A few years ago, we transitioned from bereavement blankets, as that need was being met by another mom who had experienced loss, to donating sleep sacks to LMH and other local hospital labor and delivery units to be given to newborns. Our hope is that the sleep sack donations will increase awareness around safe sleep and helps prevent other parents from feeling the pain of losing their baby. 

At this point in my journey, I am in a place where I can say beautiful things have come from losing Rylee. I have made so many new friends and met so many beautiful people that I never would have. I have helped so many with the donations I have made due to the pain I have and still do feel. It took me some time to get to this point in my journey. If you are on this journey and you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. There are so many resources out there that are a short Google search away. There are a ton of online support groups if you are unable to find a local one. Please reach out; you are worth it. Joy will slowly work its way back into your life and when it does, know that you deserve to be happy again.”

    - Lacey Hefner, RN, Clinical Informatics